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Here are Rules to help you be light and breezy in your e-mails: It all sounds good on paper, but you cannot write “soul mate” and think you will get one that way.

A soul mate is someone who responds to your ad, doesn’t give up e-mailing you, tries to get your number to get a date with you and is a loving and fun companion. So beyond looking desperate, it is really a waste of time to write down “waiting for my soul mate” or anything like it.

We had no idea The Rules would become a bestseller…

we just wanted to help women stop making mistakes and get the men of their dreams—and that’s what we still do now, 20 years later!

We are wives, mothers, co-authors, dating coaches, and have been best friends for the last 30 years.

We came up with the idea for a self-help dating book called The Rules after many, many dinners with single girlfriends at the now-defunct Sung Chu Mein, a Chinese restaurant on the Upper East Side in New York City—it was sort of like Sex and the City, but before Sex and the City!

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That being said, I know it’s important for people to speak their truth and that part of that truth is not just communicating your lack of interest but that you find such talk so early on offensive. Don’t let what everyone else is doing change or influence your personal boundaries or limits.

What if you are still interested in talking but just not about sex? You might think that if you say no to every man who mentions sex in the first conversation, you won’t meet anyone.

Like most women our age, we were career-minded with our own apartments, but we also wanted to get married.